


Oh, Severus...

by BlindCupid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:20:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindCupid/pseuds/BlindCupid
Summary: "Oh, Gellert..."If only Albus could take it back.---Inspire by “Because Love” by memorywolf and the snumbledore comic by @LifePottedPlant.It’s more of a sequel to the above mentioned, but hopefully it makes sense alone as well.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Severus Snape
Comments: 5
Kudos: 91





	Oh, Severus...

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Because Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490036) by [memorywolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorywolf/pseuds/memorywolf). 



> and the snumbledore comic by @LifePottedPlant: [Oh, Gellert...](https://twitter.com/LifePottedPlant/status/1062532721573052416?s=20)

_What have I done?_ Albus thought as he recalled Severus’s face, how utterly broken he had looked.

“Oh, Severus, what have I done?” He thought aloud into his empty rooms.

Severus had closed himself off. Not that Albus could really blame him, not after he had...

It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter how many times he said Severus’s name. It didn’t matter how many times he kissed him and tried to soothe him.

Severus was in love with him, Albus knew it and _had_ known it. It hadn’t mattered because Albus thought he could hide away inside himself. It hadn’t mattered because Albus had never meant for Severus to know. He had never meant to reveal that...

But now, that the truth was out and now that Severus knew, Albus wished desperately that it had been a lie.

Could he but take it back.

Albus gripped his wand. He could... he could take it back. Just obliviate the memory like it had never happened. Try again, start over.

Maybe love Severus in turn.

Albus dropped his head into his hands and wept, alone in his room. Sitting on his bed, where he had...

_“Oh, Gellert...”_

Those damning words. What had he done? Why?

Gellert was long gone from his life and bed, but not his heart. Severus had been there, however, holding onto him like didn’t want to let go. For a damning moment, Albus had wished it was Gellert. He had longed for his lost love and his mouth betrayed the truth of his heart.

... and Severus had stilled beneath him and said, dejected and broken turning his face away from him, no longer able to look at him,

“Just... keep going.”

But Albus couldn’t. He softened inside of Severus and eventually, Severus pushed him away and left.

The next morning, when Albus looked in the mirror, he thought with contempt, “You disgust me.”

Albus had tried to apologize. He went to Severus’s rooms and all but begged him.

“Severus, I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant to...”

Severus had barely looked at him, but his face had been calm. There was no anger. There was no bitterness or hatred and that made it so much worse. Severus simply accepted it. Albus understood that Severus didn't think himself worthy of love and was simply accepting and settling for whatever Albus was willing to give him.

He knew Severus had closed his heart off to him, put up a wall, a mental shield. Severus had only just started opening his heart up to Albus. He had only just started letting himself love and Albus ruined it all.

Albus wanted to cry out and scream at him. He needed to reach that part of Severus that had been open to him just last night, but Albus had been too foolish to realize it until Severus snatched it back and closed it off.

Albus reached out to him and cupped his face in his hands and kissed him, saying again and again,

“Severus, Severus, Severus...”

Begging him with his lips— forgive me.

Severus didn’t resist. He even responded, but it was like kissing a shell of a man— all body and no soul. Albus was sorely tempted to fuck some feeling back into him, but with every kiss and every touch, Albus could feel Severus withdrawing further and further into himself even while his body responded fervently.

Albus stepped back, tearing himself away. He turned his back and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I don’t understand, Albus. Isn’t this what you wanted?” Severus asked plainly, without emotion, simply asking for clarification.

“No,” Albus answered, shaking his head. This isn’t what he wanted, but what did he want? He hardly knew.

He left, not looking back at Severus. He didn’t stop until he had reached his own rooms and paced back and forth at the foot of his bed. Albus stopped when his eyes caught sight of his wardrobe. He flung the doors open and tore through to the back, finding the small chest he kept there. Pulling it out, he opened it and was immediately assaulted by the handsome, youthful face of Gellert Grindelwald. Albus fisted his hair and with determination, he carried the chest to the fireplace.

Albus threw the photo into the hearth and watched as his own young face turned to ash and then Gellert’s. Next, he tossed the bundle of letters that he had kept. Those didn’t burn so easily and he had to push them around until they too turned to ash. Lastly, the blonde lock of hair. Albus’s hand shook when he threw it in. The hair burned so quickly he almost missed it crinkling and turning into red embers, before it too was only ash. The smell lingered, rancid.

Albus shut his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks and into his beard. He pounded his fist against the mantle and a picture frame fell and crashed on the floor. The sound woke him and his eyes looked down at the back of the picture frame, shards of glass scattered around it. With a wave of his hand, he repaired the glass and Albus bent down to pick up the picture.

_Severus._

Minerva made them pose together for Severus’s birthday. Severus tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. It wasn’t Severus’s smile or lack thereof that made Albus’s breath catch, it was his own. In the picture, he smiled brightly, eyes twinkling as he wrapped his arm around Severus’s shoulders. For the briefest of glances, Albus looked toward the young wizard in his arm and his eyes softened and his smile was serene.

Albus stumbled into his chair, beside the fireplace. How long had he loved Severus, only to realize it after it was too late?

“Oh, Severus...” he gasped aloud- the breaking of his heart.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, staring at the picture in his hand. He heard the door open and graceful footsteps, but it hardly processed as being real. Severus stood before him, his appearance almost jarringly sudden. Severus just stood there watching him for some time, his expression impassible.

Severus looked at the picture Albus was holding and sighed.

“What is it that you want, Albus?”

Albus raised his eyes to his once lover’s.

“You, Severus. Your soul, your heart, your love.”

Severus closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.

“Severus, I hurt you and I am so very sorry.”

Severus’s fists clenched at his sides. Albus stood but didn’t dare stand too close.

“Severus, I- I love you, Severus.”

Severus’s eyes snapped open and looked at Albus with raw vulnerability.

“Don’t lie to me.” Severus croaked.

Albus shook his head and insisted, “Severus, I love you.”

“Swear it,” Severus rasped, “Swear on your life.”

Albus’s breaths quickened and he blinked at him. “Oh, Severus...” did he understand what he was asking? To swear such a thing on his own life... but if it were the truth, he had little to lose.

“I swear. I swear on my life that I love you, Severus Tobias Snape.”

Albus felt his own magic flow through him, sealing him to his oath.

Severus reached out to him and pulled him into a searing kiss and Albus sighed, 

"Oh, Severus..."


End file.
